“Hot Aliens”

Explosions ripped through the twisted vessel and flames danced throughout the wreckage.

Pulling herself from the escape pod, Alyssa surveyed a windswept surface. A pearly sun shined, bathing the hellscape in hazy light.

The ruined hull of her ship rested a few hundred meters away. Explosions ripped through the twisted vessel and flames danced throughout the wreckage.

Distant cries encouraged her to act.

“I’m coming!” she gasped.

The injuries and burns may prove grotesque, but there were lives to save.

After a few steps, Alyssa stopped. She remembered the great danger of this planet – sentient life with the characteristics of fire.

Her crewmates were not burning.

Those poor fools were being eaten.

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Thinks you look tasty.

“Andrew Jackson in Heaven”

Keenly aware of his misdeeds, he was pleased to find himself in paradise.

Andrew Jackson was in Heaven. Keenly aware of his misdeeds, he was pleased to find himself in paradise. A simple cabin in a pleasant valley awaited him.

Jackson ignored the fact that William Henry Harrison possessed a spacious lodge on a nearby mountain. However, he became quite taciturn when John Quincy Adams reached the eternal kingdom. A multitude of angels received that scoundrel, despite his corrupt nature. Adams was granted exceedingly luxurious accommodations.

Initially unsure as to the reason for his poor treatment, Jackson realized the troubling truth when John C. Calhoun arrived.

“This is decidedly not Heaven!” Jackson cried.

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Andrew Jackson

“Life as a Punter”

The have – nots had never won before, and Bernie knew just the thought of defeat tarnished the pride of his high – hatted opponents.  

With seconds remaining before recess ended, Bernie only needed to punt the ball to preserve victory. The have – nots had never won before, and Bernie knew just the thought of defeat tarnished the pride of his high – hatted opponents.  

Unfortunately, the sneakers Bernie had inherited from his brother were always too big. As he launched his foot forward, both the pigskin and his shoe were sent flying above the playground. Befuddled at the appearance of this second object, his teammates watched hopelessly as both football and footwear were returned for touchdowns.

This event proved a microcosm for Bernie’s entire life.

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Footwear should remain on foot at all times.

“Eternal Lake-Effect”

Others secretly pondered the essential edicts of humanity.

Some negotiated the snowdrifts on Front Street with snowmobiles, but most residents remained indoors. The world had fallen away during the storm, and, as the snow continued to fall, many debated if Marquette was the final bastion of humanity.

A few locals had equipped themselves with snowshoes and attempted to walk to salvation, but there was only a white void beyond the Northern Michigan University campus. Even the immense Lake Superior was no longer discernible.

Religious fanaticism fermented in the neighborhood around St. Paul’s Cathedral. Others secretly pondered the essential edicts of humanity.

And when those principals should be abandoned.

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Front Street in Marquette, Michigan – 1909

“Tippecanoe, the Time Machine, and Tyler Too”

With another sudden burst of light, Tyler and the ghastly apparatus disappeared.

The time machine flashed into existence in the midst of the Battle of Tippecanoe, directly between William Henry Harrison and Tenskwatawa. Those present on the battlefield that morning were absolutely wonderstruck.

None other than John Tyler stepped from the contraption.

“Harrison! Stop this! You’ll end up in the White House and last only 31 days!”

With another sudden burst of light, Tyler and the ghastly apparatus disappeared.

Both the American soldiers and Native American warriors remained paralyzed with bewilderment.

Harrison finally regathered his determination and logic.

“Tenskwatawa!” he cried. “Sorcerer and prophet! Such magic is powerless against the United States!”

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William Henry Harrison

“Which Witch is Warlock”

“There’s a witch under the bed!” the youngest shouted.

Kevin unpacked another box while the oven preheated. Several distant thuds reminded him that his children were awake.

The death of their mother had necessitated a move, and his kids were struggling. The recent disappearance of a local child complicated matters.

Both children were in one bed.

“There’s a witch under the bed!” the youngest shouted.

“Who said that?” Kevin asked.

“Kids at school!” the oldest chirped. “A witch that eats children!”

“No more,” Kevin said coolly. “Go to sleep.”

Fatigued and alone, Kevin turned off the oven and checked the pantry lock. He would go to bed hungry again.

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“Drums of Tyrone”

No one in Tyrone ever saw Lawrence again or his wife and children for that matter.

Deindustrialization swept over Pennsylvania. Few were surprised when this wave of ruin reached Tyrone and the paper mill closed.

After his final shift, Lawrence had a couple of the old bleach drums loaded into the back of his pickup.

His inability to provide eventually undid him, but he kept the drums under the basement stairs.

When the bank finally foreclosed on his house, Lawrence caught a train for Pittsburgh.

No one in Tyrone ever saw Lawrence again or his wife and children for that matter.

At least not until the sheriff’s sale when someone knocked over an old bleach drum.

Tyrone, Pennsylvania