“Revolutionary Anachronisms”

I originally published this serial on Twitter a few years ago.
Test your knowledge of the War of Independence with these anachronistic retellings of American lore!

Benjamin Franklin set out with kite and key decades before the American Revolution and accidentally invented time travel.

Thus “Revolutionary Anachronisms“.

***

The Redcoats were surprised to see militia on the Lexington Common.

Thankfully, the minutemen followed Paul Revere on Twitter.

***

Siri, what’s the forecast for Quebec tonight?” Montgomery asked.

“Snow,” the digital voice replied.

Montgomery nodded to Arnold.

***

“What are the red lines?” Jefferson asked.

“Misspellings,” Matlack replied.

“The green?”

“Grammar.”

“Oh dear,” Jefferson sighed.

***

The Hessians at Trenton rallied. Washington pulled out a recoilless anti-tank rocket launcher.

“‘Bazooka,” he said. “Don’t ask.”

***

“Sir, General Washington wants to speak with you.”

“What?” Gates growled. “He’s 200 miles away!”

“He wishes to FaceTime, sir.”

***

Valley Forge was becoming stale.

“What is Marquis de Lafayette doing?”

“He’s teaching the camp followers ‘The Electric Slide‘.”

***

George Washington reviewed the screenshot of a group text between Charles Lee, Horatio Gates, and Thomas Conway.

He wasn’t amused.

***

Although he’d never admit so, Tinder and Kik got Benedict Arnold through his time as Military Governor of Philadelphia.

***

The winter was cold, but Morristown was hot.

“What is going on here?”

“The camp followers are teaching Lafayette the ‘Wobble‘.”

***

“What are you doing?” Washington asked.

Baron von Steuben pulled out his earbuds.

“Listening to Mozart‘s ‘Piano Concerto No. 9’.”

***

After Andre was captured, Washington called a meeting.

“Arnold is up to no good.”

“What’s that?”

“A quadcopter drone. Don’t ask.”

***

The Battle of Cowpens wasn’t progressing as hoped.

“What’s that?”

“Napalm,” Daniel Morgan snarled. “Don’t ask. And don’t touch.”

***

The British sent to sign the treaty were embarrassed.

The fact that John Jay and Henry Laurens kept taking selfies didn’t help.

***

“Thomas – you are the father!”

Sally Hemings huzzahed and lifted her arms in triumph as Jefferson charged Maury.

 

 

Author: joshuajscully

That’s my picture up there. I’m not totally sure why I look so angry. I may be thinking about how much I hated the Crypt Keeper as a child. I grew up faithfully watching reruns of The Twilight Zone and Tales from the Crypt. Unfortunately, I missed the boat in terms of writing for either of those programs. I do consider both to have been wildly influential when I think back to my earliest thoughts about becoming an author and I’m grateful my parents let me watch those shows as a kid (although there were probably some nights early in my childhood my mother wished she hadn’t let me watch those shows). If you’re familiar with either program, then you know what genres are my focus. I thoroughly enjoy science fiction, suspense, the twist ending, and some horror or supernatural elements as well. Honestly, when I was a kid the Crypt Keeper scared the hell out of me. As an adult, I’ve really learned to embrace the puns. Historical fiction is a favorite of mine as well, and the root of that is shared with my profession. I am an educator by trade, and I teach American History. I consider some of the best writing I’ve ever done to be within the realm of historical fiction and I really enjoy saturating my mind in the research end of those projects. I would make the argument that storytelling is in my blood. Even my sister mulled, very briefly (about 45 minutes), launching a career as a screenwriter! My last name is one of those Irish (and, apparently, formally Manx) ones with a wonderfully researched history -“the story-teller’s descendant”. On of the first day of school each year, I do share that “my name is Mr. Scully, and that rhymes with Kelly”, just so I do not hear the myriad of mispronunciations on the first day. Several years ago, I started a blog similar to this one to highlight my middle years as a teacher. If that aspect of my life is of any interest to you at all, you can still find that blog online. During my summers, I really have time to pursue my writing projects and this blog will highlight some of that work. My first attempts to sit down and write extensively occurred when I was 15, but only a few years ago did I make setting time aside to write a priority. I’ve also benefited wildly over the years from many willing readers among my family and friends. The direction and feedback from those individuals has been invaluable. Outside the world of the written word, I am an educator, basketball coach, lecturer, and (very, very occasionally) a landscaper. I have only ever known Western Pennsylvania as my home. Although I love a good novel, I am absolutely unable to resist the power of the short story. The latter is really what I hope to be remembered for one day.

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