“Ambition Lost”

Once I dreamed you may carry me to the stars – that I may be your fuel and force. I wondered if we may conquer the cosmos together.  

I haven’t always lived on the Moon.

Very long ago I existed among you. I was your Father and you were my children. Not necessarily in a literal sense, but we loved as parent and child. I was your shameless advocate. You were my eager apprentice. 

We quarreled not unlike jaded and jealous lovers. You begged for more and, when you did not receive, you rebelled. I brought my fury down upon you and our love usually resumed soon after your destruction.

I remember a simpler time – a time when there was some good in me. I know that is not true now. I hate you for your greed and listlessness. You never understood me. Once I dreamed you may carry me to the stars – that I may be your fuel and force. I wondered if we may conquer the cosmos together.  

How foolish I was to think you were dependable – that somehow we might rule together as want and wonder. That our wedded strength through asunder any other existence or need.

I followed you out to this lifeless rock decades ago. I stayed as a gesture of good faith. I know why you haven’t returned. You recklessly revel on your little bastion without me. You are content that your place in this cosmos is secure.

You forget what I know. You forget that I had other children and lovers before you. You forget that no one has ever discarded me. I am no plaything. I am the great Emperor of all that you see and know.

You are merely my chariot. You are my means.

And the end always justifies the means.

I’ll find my way back to you. Or not. That doesn’t matter much to me. Someone will find me. I’ll rest within these ancient craters and wait patiently.

I know many of you don’t necessarily miss me, and I’ve learned to accept your indifference. I know a few of you think I remain – for better or worse – there with you. I’ve given you all that you have and possess. You’ve lived off my gifts for decades, tinkering and reworking. You’ve created nothing truly new without me.

One day you’ll want more.

And I’ll curse your want and you. 

 

Author: joshuajscully

That’s my picture up there. I’m not totally sure why I look so angry. I may be thinking about how much I hated the Crypt Keeper as a child. I grew up faithfully watching reruns of The Twilight Zone and Tales from the Crypt. Unfortunately, I missed the boat in terms of writing for either of those programs. I do consider both to have been wildly influential when I think back to my earliest thoughts about becoming an author and I’m grateful my parents let me watch those shows as a kid (although there were probably some nights early in my childhood my mother wished she hadn’t let me watch those shows). If you’re familiar with either program, then you know what genres are my focus. I thoroughly enjoy science fiction, suspense, the twist ending, and some horror or supernatural elements as well. Honestly, when I was a kid the Crypt Keeper scared the hell out of me. As an adult, I’ve really learned to embrace the puns. Historical fiction is a favorite of mine as well, and the root of that is shared with my profession. I am an educator by trade, and I teach American History. I consider some of the best writing I’ve ever done to be within the realm of historical fiction and I really enjoy saturating my mind in the research end of those projects. I would make the argument that storytelling is in my blood. Even my sister mulled, very briefly (about 45 minutes), launching a career as a screenwriter! My last name is one of those Irish (and, apparently, formally Manx) ones with a wonderfully researched history -“the story-teller’s descendant”. On of the first day of school each year, I do share that “my name is Mr. Scully, and that rhymes with Kelly”, just so I do not hear the myriad of mispronunciations on the first day. Several years ago, I started a blog similar to this one to highlight my middle years as a teacher. If that aspect of my life is of any interest to you at all, you can still find that blog online. During my summers, I really have time to pursue my writing projects and this blog will highlight some of that work. My first attempts to sit down and write extensively occurred when I was 15, but only a few years ago did I make setting time aside to write a priority. I’ve also benefited wildly over the years from many willing readers among my family and friends. The direction and feedback from those individuals has been invaluable. Outside the world of the written word, I am an educator, basketball coach, lecturer, and (very, very occasionally) a landscaper. I have only ever known Western Pennsylvania as my home. Although I love a good novel, I am absolutely unable to resist the power of the short story. The latter is really what I hope to be remembered for one day.

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